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Name: Pema
Birthday: 1/1/1992
Gender: Female


Occupation: student


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Yahoo: confusing_me04@yahoo.com


Member Since: 5/18/2006

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Saturday, October 31, 2009

a few confessions to myself...

Although i love my delusional, perfect world that's in my head... there comes a time for me to take a reality check and accept a few reality... the good and bad... and to realize that there can be some stuffs that is too good to be true in reality...

so,

I would like to think what am going through is the toughest in the world and i have alot of pressure and all but thats to make me feel better when i dont complete smth i want.. sayin "it was too difficult, atleast i tried" but the truth is... i actually have it so much easier than plenty of people...

I may whine about my parents being horrible because i dont get to do the things i want but maybe they are just looking out for me.. coz they love me? (although i REALLY wish i had it my way.. dont we all?)

I could dream on bout dropping my weight without having to control my diet OR putting an effort but thats not possible... i have to put some effort...  stop being lazy

I could think i have so much time so why not do things after 5 min... which then turns to hours and then, in most cases, days... this is not right... i should get things done asap (hah! which reminds me.. i have to do some hw.. :S)

I can't help critisizing myself... maybe when one stares at the same thing too much.. .every single day.. one begins to notice all the flaws in it... which gets me thinking.. how come anyone love this person with so many flaws... but maybe everyone has a someone and i've found my someone who loves me despite all my flaws

As much as i'd love to think i dont forget my friends... maybe prioritizing is smth everyone should do eventually... even if it means putting some of your friends at a lower priority than others.. and it is ok to do it

.............................................

on a completely different note,
its halloween!!!!
and all day i have been doing...
smth special with someone special :P
hanging out with mom
and procrastinating
nth related to halloween lol

ohhhh... yesterday my hunny and i celebrated our 2nd anniversary :D
he took me out dinner at this bbq restaurant.. it was awesome!
spanish guitar thingie playing.. LOTS of food :D
= =", i am never gonna lost that tyre around my mid with my eating habits lol

and now my eyes are droopin... i.e. time for me to get to sleep


Saturday, November 22, 2008

rant.. rant.. and more rants...

you put a mask on your face when you walk through that door...
even when you are achin inside you pull a smile and a cheerful voice...
and are amazed at how much that actually works! people have absolutely no clue how much you bleed inside...

you make sure your clothes and hair are absolutely neat and fine so that people have no idea how much of a mess you really are in...
and you dont breathe a word of what you feel coz you are not sure if u really feel that way or if its illusional...

you arent even sure if you need help, want help...
or, you dont even care...

the pain just soon becomes a part of you...
its addicting...
and soon you dont notice it anymore coz its just an every second occurance...
its merged into you..
it turns to you...


Tuesday, October 21, 2008

CAS week - yr7 camp

ah yea... i CHOSE to spend 4 days and three nights with the yr.7s... it was not what i expected.. it was better than expected (surprisingly) =]

so yea... the deal of the camp was... we get into lill groups called "tribes" and we have to name our "tribe" and we were called "Kingsley koalas"... Kingsley is our house name and koala coz.. it starts with a "K" =].. and this is mu cut elill tribe people (without me and my another leader partner)

hmmm... the first day was spent in meeting the "tribes" gettin to know each other..commin up with names.. oh and then they had "tribal olympics".. basically playin games... the kids played games and we monitored the games (in the heat!!!)


(teachers playin one of the games)

oh and at night we just mucked bout..how? like so:






the second day we didnt really do much.. we just waited at this "pavillion: in cheng chau and waited for the kids to come there so that we can sign off.. though... i did see four stray pups who were VERY scared of us... they ran away... we did feed em bread (by throwin it away from us and to their side)... we hiked for bout an hour after that and slept in tents and had bbq =] (not much pics for that day coz.. just coz..)




Third day was VERY action packed.. went gorging.. swam in this waterfall thingie..


and then walked back to YWCA (where we were lodging) and did rope corse and archery


and then at night we were giving time off where the teachers cleaned the table after dinner

and yea..

and the last day was... cleaning up beach, learning how to make a fire (in the bbq place with limited match sticks) and just sayin byes and all...



and that was my CAS week =]


oh i met alot of wonderful people (duh) and yr.7s arent all annoyin lill brats (as most people might put it)


until next time... cya =]


Friday, October 10, 2008

yet another rant...

i am... in approximation... one out of the 6.8 billion-ish people on earth today...
i am a small little DOT on a huge ass painting...
and i know people say "no matter how tiny you are... u contribute to the whole thing" and shit but i wonder... if i vanish from that BIG picture... it wont even make a difference.. i am just a lill blur that never gets noticed when u look at it as a whole anyway...

i wonder... what am i in people's lives..
i could be just this blur in the background thats just that but not really there...
i could be the one of many stars which, sometimes, people look at to admire.. maybe to wish on... even to pu ttheir hopes on but most of the time just forgotten...
or, maybe i am like a fashion statement... loved at times, hated... or even disgusted at times and then rotates to the being liked again... just like a lill cycle...
or i could just be a zit that everyone hates and cant wait to get rid of...

or maybe i am like a fairy tale... people admire you for a while until they realize i am just a made up story... a lie...
or i could just be like a new found insect... everyone is interested in you at first coz you are "newly discovered" and then people realize there are others like me and i am nobody special...

its just interesting to use different things to make sense of your life.. and it actually does make sense..
most times anyway...
i suppose that goes for everyone's lives...
so what i am goin through now... someone or another has been through it too... which is comforting to know.. at times.. i guess...

well..this is it from me.. until some other things bug my head and i just feel like ranting
i <3 xanga
=]


Thursday, October 02, 2008

today is just one of those f**ked up days and what better place is there to rant off than xanga?
so yea.. here i am.. just again.. to rant off till i am sick of rantin off and i am all cooled down...

i had to have a freggin bio test first thing in the mornin and i just had to freggin not know ONE answer to drop from a grade 7(A*) to a 3(d)!!!! i can NOT get a 3!!! it is so totally unfair!!!

and then people have to go on assuring me that i can tell them anything and everything to them and when i do they go all unsecured and weird on me.. like wtf!! its like.. i can never ever tell em anythin without thinkin twice u know... which leads to me hiding things from then and when they figure out that i am hiding things from them they go all "omg! why u do this to me"... like gee! its the same whether i tell them or not tell them...!

and then i have to spend alot of time after those events assuring my trust in em again and shit..
like omg!
i cant be bothered with this anymore!
i can NOT be bothered with life!
i just need to..
sleep!
dreamworld..
the only place where i live with no consequence...



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